drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
