I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
