You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
