Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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