woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
