Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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