I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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