the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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