there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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