He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
