no, he came in my armpit
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
