I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
