Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
