She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
