Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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