honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
