So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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