Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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