Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
