Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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