I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
