just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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