Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
