I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
