You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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