So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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