I faked an abortion last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize