Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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