just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
