I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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