Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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