ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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