Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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