Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
