I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
