some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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