Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
