Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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