I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
