I will die if light touches me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
