He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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