just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
