She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
