4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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