My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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