if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
