I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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