now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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