Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
