I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
