True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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