Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
