On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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