her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
