wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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