Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
