that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
