is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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