if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
