So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
