Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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