i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
