My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
