you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
