Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
