i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
