i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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