Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
