she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
