in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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