why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
