WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
