would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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